Coming Back To Life

Sleepless nights are for those with weary hearts, or for philosophers. I'm not sure which of these I am. My nights seem destined to be restless, with my mind bordering on the edge of sleep but unable to cross over to the land of tranquil dreams.

Perhaps a part of the reason lies in the subconscious weight I carry with me at all times. Nevertheless, even after an explosion of sorts, life still goes on.

This past week has been like the calm after a storm. You pause for a moment and take stock of the devastation caused, see what you can salvage and then move forward with your life. You're still a little wary, should another tempest befall you again. Still, things slowly fall back into place and you realize that all is not lost, not yet, and perhaps not for a long time...

The songs you listen to can often be so astoundingly appropriate that it seems as though they'd been spying on your soul. And yes, Floyd never got it more right than this.

"I took a heavenly ride through our silence

I knew the moment had arrived

For killing the past and coming back to life".

No Surprises

Sometimes a day comes when what is closest to you is almost in danger of slipping away for good, all in a matter of seconds. You're rattled then, jolted out of a reverie where you'd begun to take what is dearest for granted. The spear to the heart does serve one purpose though: you wake up and realize that you'd been slipping away, and dragging down those closest to you in the process.

Nothing is worth the weathering of one's soul, all the things that make you who you are. The cost is too much to bear. While this is not a realization that I've come to arrive at today, I did understand that I cannot sit back with such insights and do nothing about it.

Otherwise, this is what my life will be. Permanently.

"A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal...

A handshake of carbon monoxide..."

I started listening to Radiohead tonight because I couldn't sleep. It's funny how a song picked up at random speaks volumes about the day. And life in general too, I suppose.

This must change. I must change.

"No alarms and no surprises please".