A Fool's Luck

Date: 29.05.2009
Time: 5:58 p.m.

Things have not been going particularly well. The last few months have been strange and hard and there have been changes at home. A cyclone had come by our place, not recently, but two months ago. We are one member short now and although everyone is going about their lives as best as they can, the house does feel a lot more empty. It’s indeed funny how one occupied corner could make it look fuller.

In any case, my luck cycle is at its all time low and I don’t recount a previous occasion when it had been this bad for such a long stretch of time. I have grumbled a lot and been annoyed at many people for numerous reasons. The strangest thing, however, is how wondrously so many threads that I held securely in my palm once upon a time, have disintegrated and left behind only dust. And I don’t know if that is a situation where the blaming game has any role to play.

There is one relationship that I thought absolutely secure as a child, which is growing steadily worse. New strength and ties have been discovered in another, yet there are so many other ties that reek only of disappointment. I am not sure if it is wrong to expect a certain level of respect and understanding. Maybe it is; which is why those closest to me disappoint me so. I guess I hope for too much.

On a comparatively less grave note, the lizard problem plaguing me has reached such a high that there are too many of them now for me to be scared. I have taken to watching them idly when I am reclining on the rocking chair in one room, or a sofa in another. Just this evening, I was aimless enough to watch an adult lizard await its lady (or should it be ‘lizardly’?) love outside a bookshelf crevice close to the ceiling. I am certain that this occupation would not have arisen had I not had so many examinations to sit for.

Speaking of which, a part of today’s torture session left me with the desire to curse my torturer with the most prolonged and painful death. However, I would rather not dwell on this debacle for there are certainly many more to come. Perhaps relief will show itself one fine rainy day when I truly get to believe that all will be well. It’s back to the grind till then.

End: 6:19 p.m.

Out of a Summerian Haze

Date: 14.05.2009
Time: 8:35 p.m.

So here I am, after almost a month, sitting at the comp. and writing about how I have been. It’s a rather vague question with a vague answer unless chronologically put. I haven’t had any time to write much or do anything constructive apart from appearing for one exam after another, which in my book, does not count as constructive. And they aren’t over yet. I’m just ‘lucky’ to have a shortish gap now with more ‘in-between’ gaps coming up that will make sure that my exams, which began in the beginning of May, will go on till the first week of June. Bugger.

But enough said about exams and how they’ve been annoying me to no end. I voted for the first time yesterday along with the rest of the city. And I won’t say anything else about that matter. Last night’s thunderstorm (I’ve been told that it was early in the morning and not at night, but I shall still say last night because I’d only just been able to fall asleep when the thunderclouds roared from afar) and the showers that the city experienced recently have finally ensured that I, along with the rest of us, am no longer ‘in a summerian haze’ but coming out of one instead. Thankfully. I don’t know when I’d last melted to this degree (no puns intended). Never, perhaps.

In any case, I haven’t felt the least bit inspired in a while and that itself should become gloomy enough a fact to become a source of inspiration soon enough. Sad, really, that I have to resort to this to get myself to write something. It’s the exams, I’ll harp. It’s the heat, I’ll whine… but to no avail. I’ve hated almost everything about this semester in college, starting from the downright horrid timetable to the abominable amounts my class had to study for each paper, from the abominable teaching in such a lot of the papers to the insane idea on behalf of the management to not give us any study leave. And yes, I am ranting about the exams again since I am just that effed up about them. Had one today, so.

Oh well, there have been good moments when I’ve had wonderfully stimulating conversations (oh I make it sound like I had some splendid tea) and managed to get away from the terrible grind with excellent company. It’s kept me alive so far and I hope that happy fact won’t change much, to the extent that I am rather looking forward to tomorrow. Oh but that will be another story.

One not so random thing that has been bothering me a lot lately is that there are just too many baby lizards scurrying around everywhere. I mean, even a few weeks back, I was under the impression that there was just one baby lizard on the drawing room wall. I wasn’t too pleased about its existence, given my love for lizards, but hey, it was just one measly little thing which I was hoping would choke itself to death everyday that I saw it. Imagine my condition when one fine evening I saw that there were three! All of the same size and equally disturbing to look at! I’d even encountered a big, fat, horrid and ugly one in the tiny bathroom adjoined to my room. It hid, goodness knows where, when I saw it and screamed loudly. Since then I’ve been spotting hidden lizards everywhere and have been rather neurotic about the lot. I wonder now if it is the lizard breeding season.

On a pleasant note, however, my balcony has been cleaned up after I campaigned for almost six months (to Dad) to have it cleaned. And I have taken it upon myself to feed all the little birds in the neighbourhood that can fit through the grills and find their way to food and water kept for them. Little sparrows have been flocking to the balcony by the dozen ever since and they chirp ever so cutely whenever they find food kept for them. They’re rather partial to cream cracker biscuits and fight over the large pieces. I’ve seen them hop and eat through a very slightly parted door. Another heartening thing is that there is a mynah nest on the air conditioner right across and the proud parents often come to the balcony for a bite. Yes, I have been birdwatching a lot. I’d even spotted a tailor bird one day! It was tiny. And very, very cute.

I’ll be very delighted once my exams are over and I’m free to spend the entire day watching these exquisitely adorable creatures. I’d even like to get hold of some potted plants… we haven’t had potted plants in the balcony in years. Wish me luck for the rest of the exams!

End: 9:05 p.m.