An Old Point Of View

Most wonderfully, I discovered the high-points of Infrared technology today! And so, I have been able to transfer some pictures taken ages back from my cell-phone (I lack a functional datacable)... all thanks to the most wonderful Cat! Here would be some of them (un-edited, though):

Lightsaber: A play on lights using a spectacle lens as a reflector. STAR WARS!!!!!!1111

Arms Outstretched: An overhead shot of some branches.

Leafy Shadows: Who would have thought green-tinted shadows could be so alluring!

Lone Ranger: The defiant leaf that chose to grow where no greens had grown before.

I Grow: Fiery red, the embodiment of its inner spirit.

Pentacle: This was taken within the college grounds.

Black Cat: The black feline beauty of the college grounds.

Shadowdance: An innovative candle-stand.

Light Glass: Any guesses? A paperweight and a coaster with some quirky office lighting.

Blood-letting

Date: 27.08.2008
Time: 6:55 p.m.

Take this offering of mine,
From the drawn out artery before you
Stretched taut to its limit
Run the sharp saviour across it and cut
Death away from life.

Enrich your beautiful and warm spirits
With the redness of my blood
A gift such as this is not to be spurned
When it passes out of fissures fresh and old
To make its journey into marshes and plains.

Red is a beautiful colour;
Dark and bright and equally so
Settling the score between dusk and light
In an intimately poignant manner,
Red is a glorious colour.

It heartens me much to watch it glow,
Shimmer elegantly against the glint
Of the cracked edge of a looking glass
That no longer shows my reflection
But looks deep into my soul instead.

Take this offering of mine,
From the proffered hand, oh so willing
To give you this sanguine pleasure
While drawing out the essence in me
Making it yours, in my place.

End: 7:10 p.m.

With Shaky Hands

So I made another pen and ink doodle last night, while being interrupted six times by a crank caller who has been in love with dialing my cellphone number since the first week of August. This would be this poor, lonely, and really desperate fellow's number:

+919002559714

If there are any other equally lonely and desperate souls out there in the blogosphere, I suggest that you get in touch. Oh I don't believe this, I'm actually playing matchmaker! Yay me!

Now getting back to this doodle, let me just add that I have no idea why I made it, just that I felt like doodling. Tee hee.

Vindicated

Date: 24.08.2008
Time: 6:40 p.m.

There is only so much silence that a person can take — after which, the voices inside the head become so loud that you begin to see and hear things. I’ve felt an extremely stifling numbness set upon me the last few days. Although I had initially attributed that to fever and sickness, this evening I’m sure that it stems from much more.

I can get used to the lights gone. I can adapt to the heat and humidity. What I know is driving me mad is the stillness — the way the waters of my life have been brought to an abrupt halt in the face of an unwanted dam. There is so much that I’m holding back… again, in spite of having experienced the freedom of letting go.

People, as always, confuse me. It is as though I see some pattern repeating itself. The surety of it is terribly disconcerting. I’ve always despised the routine, yet I find myself falling into one I desperately want to (and tried to) get out of. There are times when I take the easier path and shut myself in my room, away from everyone. Only, I’m at a loss when I wish I could shut my soul away from myself.

As for situations and circumstances, these embroil themselves in murky waters on their own without any intervention on my part. I do not enjoy disappointments, and perhaps my reaction to these is worse than that of others. Yet, having a string of these lacing my life makes me want to make a noose of it and strangle myself. And some of the time, I’m rather ashamed to admit this, but I shut out loved ones as well.

I lack the energy that tears demand, so I’m keeping everything inside… just as I used to. I’ve always hated August. It is a month that makes me sick in body and sick at heart… year after year. I’ve noticed that a lot of these seasonal patterns simply do not change. The moment I bring myself to talk about it, I find that the conversation has moved on… with time. Time. I always need too much of it to make my point. And this temporal sparring shall only end with me running out of time — probably, sometime soon enough.

All that I have for comfort is that all my distrust, cynicism, and paranoia regarding people and situations are getting vindicated. This is hardly much of a comfort though. What I need right now, more than anything, is to get used to mental isolation and stop myself every time I build up expectations. Only that will help, only that. For all my pessimism, I am an optimist at heart, and that will ruin my life unless I check it right now. I need a strong kick, that’s what.

My world disappoints me, and it has me expecting things and then being taken for granted. And my world believes in denying me what I want and need.

“Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerising, so hypnotising
I am captivated

I am Vindicated…
I swear I knew it all along…”

End: 7:10 p.m.

It Flu Away

Date: 24.08.2008
Time: 11:11 a.m.

It feels so good to be able to breathe through my nose again! Seriously, I’d missed the feeling so much for the last five days that I’d wondered if I’d ever feel the rush of air moving unhindered through unclogged airways ever again. Anyone who has suffered a blocked nose (with other ailments) for more than two days at a stretch will agree, I’m sure, for the nose is beautiful, in more ways than just what concerns vanity. It gives you a sense of proportion, it gives you a sense of the flavours and fragrances around you, without which your life lacks the zest and aroma it needs to go on living in all wellness. The nose … helps you smell tea!

The most disheartening bit about having a blocked nose, or breathing with the help of nasal decongestants apart from the nasal twang in your otherwise chirpy voice is the lack of olfactory ability. I mean, imagine this: you’ve made yourself a cup of Earl Grey, which smells lovely, by the way, and you realise that you can’t smell one molecule of it! I almost had a panic attack, pondering over all sorts of possibilities, ranging from the tea losing its fragrance on becoming old (I wonder if that actually possible …), to wily aliens zapping up all the scents in the vicinity as part of a fiendish plot to take over the planet, till I asked around for confirmation and came to the conclusion that it was I who had lost the sense of smell.

Sad, very sad indeed. Therefore, when I woke up this morning and noticed that I could breathe again, my joy knew no bounds! It was like taking in a whiff of fresh air after ages spent in a polluted city, like having the overpowering smell of tranquillity lull you into submission, like the happiness felt by oxygen molecules as they pass through a phlegm and mucus-less nasal chamber into my lungs where they will be welcomed with open blood vessels, eager to carry this happy beacon to every cell. Yes, yes, I know I’m being a geek, go hang will you? I CAN BREATHE! Whee! XD

On a side note, I haven’t had a temperature for the last two days thankfully, so I may safely venture a little finger forward and greet the open outdoors with my customary zeal. Yayness!

End: 11:27 a.m.

Careless Strokes and Scratches

I had meant to put up some doodles I had made sometime back, but finally decided to take pictures today. This is mainly for the viewing pleasure of Ship who had wanted to see them and had hitherto not been able to.

This one was done in pen and ink during my last semester exams. Just a simple doodle.

Also in pen and ink, and a doodle.

I painted this today. Just water colours... stuff I had been a little wary of touching.

Frustration

Date: 10.08.2008
Time: 10:05 p.m.

There are days when living just one dull hour
Makes you wish you could take a month off and devour
All the philosophies you wished to base your life on
And pore over volumes and tomes in preparation
Days like these stay stuck like sticky chewing gum
Lodged stubbornly at the bottom of your shoe
You try to scrape it off at a stony step
And end up missing the surest footing instead.
A passing car might also honk angrily at you
While you’re bending by the pavement struggling with your shoe
Your hips wiggle unceremoniously as you shift
With your body being made to wait for another lift
All for the sake of something spat out by someone else
In all probability, a person you’ve never met
So you simply shake it off with a careless walk
Hoping inside however, that no one talks.
Returning to the matter of those days
When the only alternative to work is to laze
A rather appalling situation as it is
For even the bubbles in your drink have lost their fizz
What can you do but lose yourself in a good book
The kind your friends and neighbours say you certainly should
Ones with inspiring stories of the ordinary man
And the miracles of a clever tool or a battering ram.
A genius like you should have no trouble whatsoever
When it comes to judging a good book by its cover
We all know that appearances do matter
And those who don’t are definitely mad as a hatter
To think that they have the audacity to get by
With nothing at all but what doesn’t meet the eye,
It is blasphemous, the way they’re always happy
Even if they’re changing a baby’s nappy!
Which is why I say you shouldn’t let it pass
Without a snide comment or a rude remark
About the way these recalcitrant people conduct themselves
When you’re pining there ruefully all by yourself
Good humour has no place in this hallowed land
A fool is he or she who doesn’t take this stand!
It is only with the wagging of a tongue
That planning flatterers move up to that coveted rung.

End: 10:40 p.m.

Solar Skyline

Today’s eclipsed sun spared Indian viewers the sight of its complete devouring by the moon. However, I’m sure that did not stop many eclipse enthusiasts from running to their terraces to witness the first total eclipse since 1995, even though it was only a partial eclipse here.

Late this afternoon, on receiving a phone-call from my astronomically aligned ally, I ran to the terrace, which I hadn’t visited since January, armed with my UV-protecting sunglasses and an old X-ray film of my mother’s skull. It was an amazing experience, feeling the wind on my face as I sat on the ledge supporting the water tank and watched the two heavenly bodies vying with each other for attention in the sky. Kaz and I spoke to each other over the phone, giving each other updates on our unique viewing angles and how the clouds were trying to play spoilsport.

What I saw, when the clouds were not making an attempt to outdo the moon in trying to block the sun from view, was simply beautiful! I have no other word for it! It felt good. I’ve always felt more connected with the world around me when looking at the sky, and to watch this celestial landmark in time take place before my eyes, with a favourite friend’s voice for company was truly lovely!

My memories of my first total solar eclipse are restricted to only a few images ingrained in memory along with the feeling of anticipation and excitement that accompanied them. I am adding today’s to that album of mine with the hope that I will witness many more. Sitting there on the terrace by myself brought me mixed feelings though. Almost all the residents of my building were present the last time. It’s funny how the span of a few years changes things quite so much.

Well, seeing how I’ve been taking pictures almost at the drop of a hat these days, I did manage to take some shots of the sky and sun. Here they are:

This picture was taken from the study window, just when I was told that the eclipse could be seen.

A view of the amassing clouds, which were most unobliging for a while.

The sun was completely hidden by then, for the clouds had covered most of the sky.

The eclipse. This blurry thing was taken using my very simple digicam and the X-ray film. So it is hardly a good picture. I am hoping that Kaz has better pictures. Oh well... I am not complaining.

To the heavens, now and forever!