One Shade Lighter

Date: 31.08.2007
Time: 2:00 p.m.

It’s funny how much life changes with time. You think that you know yourself — the kind of person you are, how you react to situations, how you react to people … But then, one day, you might just spring a surprise on yourself. You let a certain thought enter your mind, let it incubate for a while, and then voila: you find that your point of view regarding an issue has changed! No longer do you have the same stubborn opinion. You don’t dismiss an idea as absolutely wrong. You open your mind and your eyes to consider other options. You’re willing to try out something new — you’re willing to change.

Life always brings with it, a multifarious meld of situations which make you re-think the way you live. Sometimes, it involves being at the receiving end of a string of disappointments. You feel anxious, worried, worn-out, stressed, torn and at a loss as to how you should proceed. Often, if a great many such incidents occur together, you feel as though you’re being pushed to the very edge. And at this point, the slightest nudge is enough to have you lose your footing and fall.

The more you are denied what you’ve been longing, the more you feel that the whole world is conspiring against you and you find yourself gripped by a heightened sense of paranoia, coupled with a cynical distaste for the people around you. You stop trusting people, even if it is against every innate instinct. And this is not precipitated by disappointment alone. It is brought on by repeatedly having your immaturity, innocence, faith and naïveté taken advantage of by shallow ‘second hander’s who have nothing better to do than feed off others and derive vindictive satisfaction from it.

Well, that is life. And you learn to take it in your stride. You have to, in any case, since you lost your choice to do anything but that the moment you decided to inhale the first breath of air the instant you were born. You have to survive. You have to live … no matter what happens. Even if people are snatched away — young, healthy people, people who remembered to wish you on your birthday after a long tiring day at work, people who had no business to die all of a sudden, leaving others behind in a state of shock.

This is actually where time surprises you. You think that there isn’t the slightest chance that you will heal. You’re convinced that you will continue to wallow in anger, despair, grief, self-hatred and pain, some of which is even self-induced. However, one day, you simply wake up and find that the old wounds don’t hurt all that much. You’ve forgiven some people for hurting you. You’ve stopped re-living some emotional wounds. You’ve learnt to accept a few ‘facts of life’ with sporting grace. You’ve lost some inhibitions and learnt to ‘loosen up’. You’ve learnt to understand, accept and allow certain attributes of the world and its people. You have stopped shouting and yelling and rebelling about every little thing. You grow up a bit, and stop being that petulant twelve-year-old brat for a while. And then, you realise that life is one shade lighter.

End: 2:35 p.m.

P.S. : This sounds a lot more positive than how I was actually feeling. Nevertheless, writing rot instead of paying attention in a certain professor’s class is the better choice any day.

Existence

Have one classmate give you a head massage while another gives you a hand massage.

Watch an inter-departmental football match from a balcony on the fourth floor while listening to amazing guitar-plays on the 'Pod.

Stare quietly at the picture perfect skyline with sombre clouds floating serenely.

Have a slight breeze blow gently on your face.

Take deep breaths to check that you are alive.

Have a loudly ringing bell shatter the silence of solitude that you were beginning to enjoy.

"When we live such fragile lives
It's the best way we survive ..."

Or maybe not.

As The Lark Flies

Date: 29.08.2007
Time: 10:10 p.m.

That bird has flown away
Look, can you see the vestiges of its flight?
Those flawed lines that demarcate the air it tainted?
It has moved its vile presence elsewhere
And cast its malevolence upon itself
Worry not, for it does not wish to return
Or cause harm to those it knew
Or did not.

The moon looks beautiful
Look, do you not find its waning shadows lovely?
Those pearly lights it casts on dark lanes, spellbinding?
It shall be gone soon
But revel in its beauty for now
For the day will not come again
Once night descends and encompasses all
Once again.

Those clouds leer at you
Look, can you not feel their gaze?
Those majestic lines which linger hazily?
They want you to stare back
Keep staring till you lose yourself in them
Mesmerised, while the bird flies farther away
And it cannot be followed anymore with your eyes
And ears.

End: 10:20 p.m.

Hysteria

For me, Sundays are usually days when I enjoy sleeping for an extra hour or two (and sometimes even stay asleep till twelve in the afternoon). However, this Sunday, I had certain appointments to keep. I was to attend my first official “blog meet” and this happy-but-scary-nevertheless event required me to wake up early so that I could maintain my status as a ‘punctual person’.

My first great achievement of the day was reaching the venue all by myself by a route I am not accustomed to, without getting lost. And I reached fifteen minutes early owing to the benevolence of the usually unkind traffic. And so, I waited … and kept watch, my glance alternating between the partially visible sky speckled with pretty clouds and the sparsely populated road with unfamiliar faces huddled at one corner.

After several minutes of muttering “The clouds have shifted” to myself and also dismissing potential Lucifers who walked by as “Too old”, “Too young”, “Nah, can’t be… too short” and one particularly professional looking middle-aged person in a teal shirt who kept looking behind to find my eyes following his every move (out of curiosity, of course) as “Too paranoid”, I could see the Cheshire-Cat-who-is-also-a-crazy-tree-frog, (C.C.w.i.a.a.c.t.f. or “Kitty” for short), ambling along amiably towards the spot where I was standing.

We waved at each other in recognition and the moment Kitty was within speaking distance, I spotted the CD he had promised to bring along and made a rude and rather impatient grabbing motion, snatching it out of his hands before he could utter a word. (Yes, I know, my social skills are severely limited). And I cannot remember whether I said thank you. (My mother really should have spanked me more as a child, to ensure that I have at least some semblance of politeness).

While waiting for Lucifer (who was running late) to turn up, Kitty and I spoke of random snigger-inducing subjects that had us breaking into fits of lunatic-like-laughter at regular intervals. I mentioned the sad news that my friend, the Steely Bunny would not be able to attend the meet while Kitty suggested that we raid the meet venue while it was still closed (an offer, which I declined, by the way). Then, all of a sudden, a tallish person popped up behind Kitty, who, for some unfathomable reason started guffawing in a manner that would defeat Goofy by a landslide in a guffaw-like-a-dead-decapitated-chicken-that-has-been-brought-to-life-by-Dark-Magic competition. It so turned out that Kitty was er, laughing at Lucifer (who can actually earn a fortune advertising for VLCC if that picture he e-mailed me was actually his) as the latter had hacked off his moustache since the last time they had met.

The three of us then proceeded to a coffee shop, the haunt of most brand-influenced materialistic teenagers, around the corner to have ‘breakfast’. While walking, Lucifer contradicted Kitty and let me know that I was not short. Yayness! Thank you! Did I mention that he also got me a chocolate as a belated birthday present? Yumness! At the coffee shop, we seated ourselves right next to the food display (I devoured the chocolate delicacies with my eyes till our Chocolate Fantasies arrived) and further demonstrated my non-existent social skills by draining glass after glass of water, exasperating the waiters, startling Lucifer, who was silently keeping count of the number of glasses I had consumed, and giving Kitty more reasons to call me a ‘mortal aquatic creature’. By the time we made our way back to the meet-venue, I think there were nine empty cups adorning the table for three, out of which I had consumed the contents of seven. While walking back, Kitty managed to snigger at Lucifer’s face, carry on endless conversation and untie his shoelaces without touching them, all at once.

At our destination, we climbed up to the first floor and sniffed around the sci-fi section for quite some time. Kitty pounced and drooled delightedly over Tolkien, an ultra-hot black and silver Waterman fountain pen (which I drooled over as well) and kept on talking. Lucifer silently observed all the inane behaviour taking place around him with a Zen-like air and the occasional gleam in his eyes. I was selectively deaf whenever (a) Kitty froze in fear after unconsciously slipping in an expletive, lest he be quoted by me and lose his reputation, (b) jokes were cracked about how er, young I looked and (c) when the picture of me in pigtails (taken a few days ago by the classmates who molested my hair into the aforementioned form) happened to be shown to the two (*ahem*) humans accompanying me. At that last, they turned purple trying not to laugh and then gave in to the need to breathe and burst out laughing. I really don’t blame them. I would’ve done the same had it been someone else. The comic nature of that picture is very tragic indeed. Therefore, I looked away as they turned blue in the face, guffawing away to glory.

Kitty also made the mistake of assuming that “height is everything” when he went and enquired whether Venus In Furs was available. His question was answered by an “Oh really? Can you tell me what it is about?” from the manager. Lucifer and I nearly died chuckling quietly as we watched him get embarrassed and return with a miffed expression. We replied in the negative when he asked us whether he looked eighteen. Oh yes, Kitty looked very displeased. (*Insert sick sadistic smirk here*).

At the music and movies section, we forced Kitty to confess his profound adoration for pink covered Disney Princess movies, Mary Poppins and later during the day, Janet Jackson. Lucifer and I also shook hooves with Kitty’s imaginary pink Unicorn friend, who did not speak much, but was glad to make our acquaintance, possibly glad at having people other than Kitty to interact with. Other note-worthy incidents that took place include our valiant attempt to protest against having sounds made by a constipated anaemic gargoyle (alias Enrique) thrust down our auditory canals — this involved the three of us sitting down on the rug for a while before being told, “Excuse me, but this is not the place to sit” by one of the shop assistants. Lucifer began the game of intimidating a scruffy-looking, bespectacled twelve-year-old boy by peering intently at him over (not through, mind you) Kitty’s glasses. He and Kitty took turns at this and thoroughly enjoyed themselves. I demonstrated the “Jerry mouse laugh”, much to the amusement of my companions and also enacted what occurred after I had accidentally let it slip louder than I had intended, during a class in college. Oh, and I also punched Kitty for being annoying. (Thanks to my hard knuckles, I can punch quite well without much of an effort).

Dark Chocolate called up after her meeting ended and we decided to go out and get some mineral water (since I was thirsty again) while waiting for her to arrive. By the time I had passed more water down my perpetually parched throat, Dark Chocolate arrived, smiled and waved at everyone. Once inside once again, we decided to order some food. Dark Chocolate meowed, made funny faces that would give Puss in Boots a run for his money, and showed us some incredibly cute pictures and videos of some kittens. We also discussed amoebae that performed callisthenics inside people’s brains, the joy of threatening to set E. coli and Bacillus subtillis on people, the exact mechanism by which a cat would die a gruesome death (with its four paws in the air, lying helpless on the road) when encountering a particularly difficult calculus problem set in competitive examinations and the odd coincidence of having dancers in muted music videos move in harmony with a completely unrelated and equally irksome song, (usually of a different language), playing loudly in the background.

Lucifer left soon after lunch. Dark Chocolate called up her boyfriend to have him meow at us. (She had boasted of his meowing skills. Hence, well, you know). Kitty and I made revolted pukey-faces at the mushy talk that soon followed between the two meow-ers. And the three of us decided to walk to the multiplex nearby for something to drink. At the multiplex, I bumped into one of my college-buddies, and was introduced to her mum and sister, who were both very sweet and gracious. At the food court we all got a kick out of behaving immaturely — we made squeaky-sounds by speedily sliding our fingers across some glossy paper, shredded the paper into tiny strips and stuffed these inside the plastic soft-drink glass. Kitty and I then raced down an up escalator. I won. (Whee-ness!) Kitty got ticked off by a security guard. (Boo-ness!) Dark Chocolate breezed down the normal flight of stairs and purred like a content cat. (“…”-ness). We left the multiplex and were guided towards the Metro station by Dark Chocolate. Discussion pertaining to the joys of listening to Lacuna Coil and head-banging to one’s heart’s content ensured that we were not bored while waiting for the train. I got off before the others, waved and walked off to board another transportation vehicle which would take me home.

I’m certain that I have successfully conveyed the full extent of my inane, puerile and well, dim-witted demeanour to all those who met me. I was exhausted when I reached home. And Ship’s battery decided to cold-war me some minutes into the conversation. However, I do well with a lot of laughing gas in my system. And I did laugh today … quite a bit. Very amusing, the day was. A good time, I had. Stop speaking like Yoda, I should. So, well, YAYNESS! XD

At The Zoo

1:30 p.m.

DM: (while certain rowdy raucous specimens are playing with VB’s and her hair-thingys) “We are not chicks! What are you people — cocks?”

There is inane raucous laughter from all around.


1:55 p.m.

DM: (to LD) “I finally realised how you speak! You speak like you’ve got chewing gum stuck to your teeth.”

LD: (mutters) “Right …”

DM: “I’m not saying it’s bad … and *insert DM’s parody/imitation of LD’s manner of speaking here* and it’s cute, but yes …”

LD: “…”

LD stares blankly with one eyebrow raised.


2:50 p.m.

Professor: (while explaining a certain part of the lecture-thingy) “If one of these RNA primers fall off we may no longer be humans but donkeys …”

LD starts laughing like a donkey. VB and DM look away. LD scribbles into the note-book in which she has been jotting down bits and pieces of all the conversation that she has heard during the afternoon. LD then shows VB the note-book.

VB: (after reading it) “I read it. You’re crazy.”

DM: “You’re weird.”

VB: “Both of us … (she sees LD scribbling some more) OOF!”

VB blinks. Twice.

LD: (thinking) “That coffee is actually working!”


3:00 p.m.

Professor: “When did we start?”

Class: (in monosyllables) “1:50”

Professor: “And how long do we go on?”

Class: (in a dull and monotonous manner) “3:40”

Professor: “Then I will give you a break.”

And she leaves. (For a short while). Cheers erupt, albeit muted ones.

LD: (mentally) “YAYNESS!”


3:10 p.m.

LD: (to VB) “I like your initials.”

VB: (sharply) “I don’t. Imagine a Bengali saying it — Bhee Bhee!”

LD snorts most ungraciously and breaks into a laughing fit, scribbling all the while.

VB: “And you’re going to write that down. I’m not going to speak to you.”


3:20 p.m.

The professor is discussing palindromic DNA sequences. There is palpable excitement in the air.

Somebody from the class: (jumping up) “MALAYALAM! MALAYALAM!”

DM blinks repeatedly. VB blinks too. DM, VB and LD smile foolishly at each other. LD looks about sneakily.

VB: (catching LD’s eye) “You can’t write that.”

LD: “Oh no?”

LD starts writing promptly. VB stares at the screen. LD shows what she has written to VB. VB shakes her head. LD’s eyes twinkle mischievously.

VB: (exasperatedly) “Shakes head?”

LD nods. LD writes.

VB: “…”

LD chuckles.


3:28 p.m.

LD looks at the note-book.

LD: “This is fun!”

DM: “You’ve become quote crazy today.”

LD: “Quote crazy?”

DM: “Quote crazy. And you can quote that.”


3:35 p.m.

LD finally reads what’s on the screen.

LD: (snorting) “Hoogsteen pairing! Ahahahahahahahaha!”

VB: (bemused) “You just read it? She’s been saying it all along.”

LD keeps on sniggering stupidly.


3:40 p.m.

The class ends. DM, VB and LD are the first three to run out. LD is still snickering at the silly sounding name she read.

VB: “…”

DM: “…”

LD keeps laughing hysterically. DM and VB shake their heads in exasperation and walk on.


PS: Yes. I was bored. And I think that writer’s block sucks. So, I have been seeking inspiration elsewhere. Still, it was rather amusing! :P

Rainy Days and Mondays

Date: 20.08.2007
Time: 6:40 p.m.

A poetic day is usually one which gives you this insatiable urge to write. It doesn’t matter whether it is in prose or verse form — all that is important is the feeling that you will burst if you don’t put the thoughts swirling violently inside your head into words.

After raining petulantly for the last couple of days, the morning started out to be sunny and rather warm. Later during the day, however, the clouds seemed to suffer a hundred-and-eighty degree mood swing and amassed in one corner of the brightly lit sky. Although I wasn’t really watching the weather (I was, err … trying my best to ignore my grumbling stomach in a certain class which seemed to stretch on endlessly seeing that the fact that lunch breaks are meant for eating was an idea alien to the professor teaching us), I had a feeling that it would rain today. When my mates and I finally managed to head downstairs after arguing a long-drawn court-case with the professor (titled: “Class vs. Teacher: The Case of the Lunch-Break-which-is-denied-in-spite-of-class-having-ended-after-three-hours-of-torturous-teaching), we located some rowdy raucous specimens whom I was supposed to be ‘treating’ today and headed towards the nearby eatery which we frequent on a daily basis.

It took ages for the two ordered food-items to arrive, by which time the rowdy raucous specimens had evolved into ravenously-hungry rowdy raucous specimens. And then came the rain, pouring down beautifully, the moment we finished gorging the last crumbs left behind after a long battle with warring fingers fighting for food. Ah ‘what a glorious feeling!’ It was splendid to smell the fresh air again instead of rotten smoke from automobiles.

There were eight people and only three umbrellas, leading to more than one person (I’m poor at basic arithmetic, so forgive me) scrambling beneath a single umbrella in order to prepare for a mad dash to the next class. The only two things which I did not wish to get wet were my wristwatch and my bag (I’m still not sure whether it is water-proof). Therefore, I deposited my watch inside my bag, rolled up my trousers and ran like the lunatic I am, while ensuring that my bag does not get wet and paying no attention to whether the rowdy raucous specimen sharing (or I should say, ‘hogging’) my umbrella got drenched or not. Anyway, I did get drenched and I must say that it was rather pleasant to splash about in muddy water and feel the water droplets happily trickling down my face, head and rather wet back. Sadly, my friends weren’t quite so delighted at having got wet owing to their umbrellas being hogged by the other rowdy raucous specimens. And I suppose they were even more soaked than I was. Pity, really. Astonishingly, I actually managed to work out Mathematics while distracted and even got a ‘Good’ for working out the stuff (*smiles in a silly and weird manner*).

We had some free time after that class, which I spent sitting in the canteen with two of my friends. They both bought something warm to drink and I followed suit. We sat there sipping the hot fluid which made my throat feel as though it was getting an internal massage (although I think that I burnt my tongue). Nevertheless, it was quite pleasant after all the water I had been drinking today.

The last class was to start at five minutes to three. Not surprisingly, none of my classmates were very keen on staying for it. We all decided to wait for five or ten minutes to see whether the professor would be taking class and then leave if he did not turn up by that time. Most dishearteningly, we saw our professor walking up the corridor towards our classroom the exact moment we were finished packing and were about to leave! We all looked as though we’d been gifted poison on our birthday.

Our pleas to let us leave the dreaded dungeon (erm, not exactly a dungeon since the classroom’s on the fourth floor … I’m exaggerating a bit, heh) were mistaken for requests to discuss discourses on the lovely weather instead of our usual talk about ethics. Below, you would find an abridged version of the conversations that took place during the class (known and unknown to the professor).

Prof: (to a classmate) “What does the rain make you feel?”

LD: (while she’s answering … and I’m muttering) I feel like writing poetry. Descriptive, depressing poetry.

VB: (one of my friends, who is sitting directly on my right … she’s muttering as well) Sir, I feel like slapping LD … really hard.

LD: (while the discussion on rain is still continuing) I feel like jumping into puddles and splashing VB with water so that her undies remain wet. Waaaahahahahahaha (*evil laugh*).

[VB looks disgruntled]

Prof: “… The rain is associated with mood swings …”

LD: (mutters) Too true!

Prof: “… with missing someone you love …”

[LD sticks out her tongue and makes a face]

VB: (wrinkling her nose in annoyance) You’re still a five-year-old inside your head!

Prof: (sneakily taking the conversation back to Ethics) “… the relationship between man and nature … story of man’s hostility to nature … thanks to Science and Technology you could understand the logic of nature and manipulate nature … relationship is that of master and slave … nature is used as an instrument to serve our needs … used almost recklessly to serve human purpose … Those who wanted to make money, make war …”

LD: (softly and rather randomly) You missed out make pizza, sir, pizza and plastic.

Prof: “… power hungry people wanted to take advantage of nature and it is at this juncture that …”

LD: … more of blah-blah-ing comes in. Gah.

[After several pointed requests by the class to let us leave, which continue to be mistaken for requests to discuss other matters …]

Class: Leave us please, sir!

LD: (out of hearing range of the professor but within that of VB) Yes! These two next to me are wet and have wet undies as well (*snigger snigger snigger evil snigger*)!

Prof: “I give you the liberty to raise an issue and then go home.”

DM: (another friend sitting to the right of VB) Don’t we have the liberty to go home?

AGM: (a classmate, who abruptly asks) Is it ethical to make remakes of legendary films like Sholay?

[LD, VB and DM laugh like lunatics for no reason, while there is more blah-ness …

Then, this hitherto farcical representation takes a turn for the serious as VB decides to raise a very serious issue.]

Last Thursday, while VB and DM were walking to college together, along a slightly deserted route, certain men present there hooted, passed extremely lewd comments and made them feel extremely insecure and scared about the tense and unpredictable situation they were in. VB was extremely upset about the utter helplessness of their situation and that nothing is done about similar or even worse situations taking place across the country. She has written about the incident in her blog. I urge all of you to go and read “Protest”.

VB: We want to know what can be done about it. If it happens to millions of women all over the country why shouldn’t our voices be raised?

Our professor then suggested certain measures that could be taken for doing just that and urged all of us to speak out against this. The risk of speaking out and that of the so-called “loss of face” should be one that we, being a part of the “elite and lucky few in the country” should be willing to take. He also stated, “Danger lies in becoming solitary … we have all become onlookers.”

One thing that I think today’s lesson achieved is that our entire class has now woken up to the fact that eve-teasing and sexual harassment of women is something real — not just a sad story in the morning newspaper which one reads and forgets by the time one finishes breakfast.

I got a bit wet again while I was returning home from college (*Yayness*). And I also had a pleasant chat with Ship over the phone. The rains do indeed inspire a lot! After suffering from writer’s block and blankness for quite some time, I’ve actually written something that is three pages long! And yes, it was a rather poetic day, even though I haven’t wasted paper by ‘composing’ horrid poems that are so characteristic of me (*Smiles all around*). I feel slightly better, yes. Definitely.

End: 8:15 p.m.

Ten Things I Wish I Learn Someday

Here are ten things I wish I learn someday:

1. Learn to hold your tongue long enough to calmly assess a situation so that you don't blow up or cause irreparable damage with words.

2. Learn to forgive yourself for all the mistakes that you have made, and will invariably make in the future.

3. Stop taking people at face value.

4. Stop over-simplifying things into black and white. There are always different shades of grey. Learn to see them and appreciate them for what they are.

5. Don't be disappointed when you don't get back what you give. Give anyway.

6. Don't go out of your way to help someone unless the person directly asks you for help. Otherwise, be prepared to be subjected to ingratitude.

7. Stop procrastinating. It never helps. It's just an excuse you give yourself to procrastinate further.

8. Learn to readily admit it when you are wrong. It can always happen. People are not perfect, and you're no exception.

9. Never disregard a good idea no matter where it comes from.

10. Appreciate all the good things while they're a part of your life ... don't wait till they're gone.


This seems like tag-able material. So I tag all members of my Penguin Army who wish to take up the tag. (It’s optional, mind you).

Words

Being blank bugs brainless bums beautifully. Then again, a lot of things do the same thing. The sad bit is that I haven’t had such a bad case of writer’s block since, well ... ever! And I have no idea why I cannot make myself type out a few words the way I could even some days back. There are a lot of things that I am keeping bottled up and I guess that all I want to do is stall the moment when I have to confront them. Very pathetic, yes. And also extremely escapist — the kind of behaviour that is typical of a procrastinator.

What is even more frustrating is that there are so many things around me that I can ‘draw inspiration’ from — yet I am letting those somewhat interesting events fade from my memory by not noting them down. I know that I shall not remember them otherwise. It makes me feel extremely helpless, and I do not like being helpless. I do have a massive ego, and this feeling is not very pleasant for it.

Every time I try to write, I find myself at a loss, wondering why I’m even trying to jot down words when I can’t even think them inside my head. All I feel is this overwhelming tide of incoherent thoughts that are mangled, muddled and messed-up … unable to be interpreted correctly or channelled in any form. And it’s extremely unpleasant, since I’ve always liked being able to direct them, or at least express them the way I wish to.

Writing has been such a comfort ... especially last year. I don’t want to go back to that dark abyss again. I don’t want to sit in a corner and simply stare blankly at the ceiling. I don’t want to sit and brood without any inkling of what I’m going to think of next. I don’t want to withdraw into last year’s fragile glass shell. And I don’t want to choke on words.


P.S.: I attended my department’s Fresher’s Welcome party this evening. And it was fun. That includes the part where I had to dance like a drunkard with a bottle as my ‘prop’.

A Window to my World [IV]

Yes. This is a filler post. No. I have nothing better to do. Yes. I do have writer’s block. No. I shall not let it get the better of me. So, well, here goes my latest offering ...

I have somewhat settled into the groove of attending college (whoa! Saying ‘college’ makes me seem so ‘grown-up-ish’). I mean, I’ve gotten accustomed to climbing five storeys six days a week, attending classes, grumbling about the additions to our already overloaded schedule, wondering what new questions will be thrown at us or what new concepts shall be rammed down our throats in the next class, and finally (this is the good part), lounging about after classes with my friends and enjoying the sight of a beautiful blue sky speckled most adorably with wispy clouds that make different patterns on different days.

In fact, this very day, after today’s afternoon class got transferred to tomorrow afternoon, I spent quite some doing just that. And four of us went to the coffee shop near the college and hogged on two chocolate and walnut brownies. We all behaved as though we had been starving for centuries and scraped out the last remnants of the brownie from the bottom of the bowl it was served in. And yes, it was rather entertaining to watch how Hindi film actors and actresses on the muted television gyrated in sync with a Spanish song (which had a rather nice guitar sequence) playing on the jukebox. A friend and I had a hot chocolate each. While she heaped packets and packets of sugar into hers, I had mine ‘raw’ and found it excellent for my throat. We received quite the shock at the rather ostentatious bill, which caused another friend to remark, “No one orders two brownies! Not unless there are fifteen people with you.”

Speaking of friends, I am grateful and honoured that I have found some, in spite of bad experiences in the past. And I shall not mar this with words.

Things have not been the best on the home front. Something serious has taken place and there is also another, er, ‘event’ that I must attend to tomorrow evening ... something that I am rather apprehensive about. Nevertheless, I suppose that I shall be able to pull myself through as long as I keep imagining the “Jerry mouse laugh”, (which I am quite good at emulating) along with a wide range of other inane forms of laughter, every time I am faced with troubling thoughts.

Power cuts have started showing their ugly faces once again. The mp3 player that I was given recently has turned out to be a useless piece of junk. I have no idea when I shall resume my piano classes and am even more clueless regarding the date of commencement of guitar lessons.

I shall wrap up today by mentioning that balconies should not have grills since the grills make it seem as though you are trapped inside a cage. That feeling is far from pleasant if you want to spend some time contemplating in solitude while staring at the fading light in the sky.

That Monster

Date: 02.08.2007
Time: 11:50 p.m.

That quiet monster is no longer still
Unfettered and free, it rages
Unbound, it can now lash out
Unrestricted by guilt or fear.

That gnawing guilt is quiescent now
Quelled by anger, it is vanquished
Quieted by truth, it now quails
Quaint, and oddly ... laughable.

The eyes flash dangerously
Deadly, with much animosity
Dizzying, with the surging ague
Daunting and intensely glaring.

The words exchanged convey nothing
They are futile and old
Like the person who uttered them
They are sounds to be abhorred.

That monster is no longer a sorry spectacle
That monster is wiser now
That monster hungers for retribution
That monster is ready to strike.

End: 00:15 a.m.

Cause for Much Joy!

My favourite relative in the world is now a Doctorate! I am so proud of her! And so happy for her! XD! Here's hoping that she has more good things working for her! She deserves them!

Yayness!