I've become so shallow now, always looking for the quick fix, the easy high. I've no patience any more, at least less than I ever did before. It's remarkably easy to sink into a single dimensional soul: just immerse yourself into your work and forget about anything else that you ever loved.
I don't know why I have such a self-destructive streak, because of which I deliberately deny myself what I enjoy. Why is it so difficult to just loosen up and enjoy life the way it happens? Soak it in... No worries, no contemplating the future or how to work towards a better bank balance.
I'm actually rather disgusted with myself, at the inner whining, even though I am not talking that much about it out loud. At least the 'don't give a flying fuck' attitude ensures that some of the shite stays at bay. Whatever.
Coming back to my shallowness. I've come to the point when I just want 5 minute fixes. Exhausted at the end of the day, I've no time to sit and finish a good book at one go the way I love to devour books. Instead, I choose to read fast reading material: in other words, crap. A bit of YouTube-enabled karaoke when I'm in the mood, but no time to practice the piano and actually hone a talent that must by now be gone. Why, I ask? Exhaustion? Laziness? Depression-induced inertia? I don't think it is the last one. If anything, at least that aspect of my life has been borderline, and on the better side. Been there, battled that, now it's so much better! But the bad habits stay, I suppose. And like everyone else part of the sunshine-in-seconds generation, I want the quick fix, the easy high, even if it kills any depth that I used to have.
Goodnight.
2 comments:
I don't know what you're going through. But you're special. The person who wrote Piano Cat cannot be anything less. :) Life has it's ups and downs—and sometimes the downs seem to come all at once. It doesn't mean that life will still be going downhill next year, next week—or even tomorrow.
*hugs*
Whoever you are, you just made my evening brighter with your words. Wish I knew whom to thank.. Really truly thank you!
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