There are good days. And there are 'I can't get out of bed' days. Those are the days when you really need to give yourself little rewards to nudge yourself into activity. Stay occupied. Stay focused on a checklist of things to do.
This disease makes you speculate the worst reactions, the worst scenarios, and the worst consequences of actions. You know that you just need to go with it, and leave all important decisions for later, when you can breathe again, think again.
I know that I need to keep my day full of activities. Otherwise it's a descent into a maddening din of hopelessness. I know that my reactions right now are irrational, and not necessarily my actual ones. I'm just looking to feel something, be it anger, be it grief, be it the hypothetical satisfaction of a thousand unspoken conversations. I want to curl up in a corner and not move, but need to force myself to anyway.
It's time to accept that this part of my life is back. I can even pinpoint the events that re-triggered the onslaught of this debilitation. All I understand is that, on these days, I need to keep moving, and hope the mental paralysis will pass with the dawning of a new day.
2016, you bitch. You were not what I imagined you would be. Thanks for at least packing in a lot of good travel.
This disease makes you speculate the worst reactions, the worst scenarios, and the worst consequences of actions. You know that you just need to go with it, and leave all important decisions for later, when you can breathe again, think again.
I know that I need to keep my day full of activities. Otherwise it's a descent into a maddening din of hopelessness. I know that my reactions right now are irrational, and not necessarily my actual ones. I'm just looking to feel something, be it anger, be it grief, be it the hypothetical satisfaction of a thousand unspoken conversations. I want to curl up in a corner and not move, but need to force myself to anyway.
It's time to accept that this part of my life is back. I can even pinpoint the events that re-triggered the onslaught of this debilitation. All I understand is that, on these days, I need to keep moving, and hope the mental paralysis will pass with the dawning of a new day.
2016, you bitch. You were not what I imagined you would be. Thanks for at least packing in a lot of good travel.
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