If it were possible to shut out every individual I know: family, friends, acquaintances, everybody, then I’d do that, lock myself somewhere remote and never venture outside to see the light of day again. There would be no need for masks or facades to disguise a face contorted with misery or disgust and I wouldn’t have to bother with sugar-coating my words so as not to hurt people’s feelings EVER again.
The truth can be used brutally and cruelly. Sometimes, at present for instance, I want to hurt people with the truth, knowing the full extent of the injuries that I will cause. I want to be devastatingly and cruelly honest and destroy something with uninhibited rage that, for once, I shall leave unchecked.
I want to live. Not be restrained by the norms of ‘civilised’ behaviour, or considerations for people I care for. I don’t want to care. I don’t want to feel remorse for any of my well-meaning actions that have not turned out the way I expected them to. I don’t want to feel guilty for being unresponsive to people I like when they’re only trying to reach out to me. I just want to be aloof and forget all about existence and get a chance to live in my own frame of time.
I’d like to feel the full potential of my anger ... and every emotion that I’ve had to lock away to keep myself in check. I want to shout till I am hoarse and throw a tantrum like a small child who yells and screams when denied something. What is the point of having the faculty of speech if you have to guard your tongue constantly?
I would like to feel, without ever feeling sorry for myself or the fact that I feel.
The truth can be used brutally and cruelly. Sometimes, at present for instance, I want to hurt people with the truth, knowing the full extent of the injuries that I will cause. I want to be devastatingly and cruelly honest and destroy something with uninhibited rage that, for once, I shall leave unchecked.
I want to live. Not be restrained by the norms of ‘civilised’ behaviour, or considerations for people I care for. I don’t want to care. I don’t want to feel remorse for any of my well-meaning actions that have not turned out the way I expected them to. I don’t want to feel guilty for being unresponsive to people I like when they’re only trying to reach out to me. I just want to be aloof and forget all about existence and get a chance to live in my own frame of time.
I’d like to feel the full potential of my anger ... and every emotion that I’ve had to lock away to keep myself in check. I want to shout till I am hoarse and throw a tantrum like a small child who yells and screams when denied something. What is the point of having the faculty of speech if you have to guard your tongue constantly?
I would like to feel, without ever feeling sorry for myself or the fact that I feel.
8 comments:
That's quite a tall order. Unless you have visions of running away to Goa and setting up camp there without letting anyone know, too. I understand, though, what you mean. Such is life!
The fact that one feels is the greatest proof of the pudding we call Life. Yes, we know life ain't fair, but here's something to try out. When you do get the Ultimate Solitude, look up at the starry sky, knowing that they are just balls of flaming gas and not a banquet of the gods, that they are mute witnesses to our misery, eyes of an uncaring providence.
I had shouted, "Life isn't fair". (right, i might've included a fair few swear-words).
And the universe asked right back, "So?"
i'm really not making this up, y'know...
Havnt read ur post yet.
Will come back later.
Thanx for the comments.
As for bengalis,well i like a certain amount of conservativeness.....not too much tho.it becumz pretty borin then.yeah but they shud be progressive.
Nd yea bird watching is well a common thing.
But bird watching is wayyy different from LETCHING AND ONCE OVERS.
I hope smellin of letching is rite....
Cya.
Oops!
*Spelling
I know how you feel -- a little too well. And sadly, I've done nothing about it ever since I started feeling that way some 15 years ago. It hurts to live life like a zombie with overflowing thoughts in one's head... but sometimes, we just have to -- just to make people happy. Life is a tragedy like that.
*Hugs* I do hope that we can find a healthier way to cope with it.
as an expert in rage management i suggest you watch "Fight Club" and listen to Megadeth till the symptoms of rage are abated in the lull of nothingness, whatever the hell that means.
Kill Something, you will feel better!
run over a puppy or something :D
N
word ver:kroupt ...gee, blogger telling me something?
PG: Yes, I know. Blah. Oh well. I'll deal with it, as I have for the moment.
Aruni RC: *screams and yells to no avail* I am not bored. Gah.
The Tentacles of Thought: I really dislike stereotypes of all kinds, from the very bottom of my frigid heart. So, I can't say anything else. :P
Er, what are once overs? Forgive me, like I said, I've been hibernating on another planet. So. Yes. Hehe.
Princess Banter: *Hugs*
Thank you so much. :)
Nothingman: Hehe. It's funny you should suggest Fight Club. :P
And oh my goodness! Blogger can read minds! AAAAAAAAA! *is startled*
Whahaah, thanks for the comment. It made me laugh. :)
Er. Yes. Yes.
Nice...
Just tell me when you get angry.
I will need to go inside my bunker.
Post a Comment