Date: 24.02.2009
Time: 8:03 p.m.
I’ve been rather accident prone of late. From accidental cuts, fever, scratches and a finger injury to various bruises which I don’t even remember acquiring, it has been quite an adventurous time for me. The funny thing is that I’ve been rather full, mainly in the sense that nothing seems to affect me much. I’ve actually stopped caring about so many things that I’m more at peace than I have been in a long time.
Yet, there is that quiet chill that makes me wonder if all of this is another stage of being ‘comfortably numb’. No, I haven’t been low. And there have been things which have made me genuinely happy. But it just isn’t like me to not react to annoyances such as taunts or disappointments. What is more surprising is that I am genuinely not giving a rat’s carcass about how I am being treated by most people. Or that I haven’t been able to keep in touch as much as I’d like with those who do understand and accept me. Or that there are very few people who I can truly be comfortable with without having to keep a certain distance. Whatever it is, I do hope that I don’t tire of it. Maybe I’m healthy now for a change, mentally, that is, and need to get used to a shade of normalcy.
The one thing which I am not particularly fond of at the moment is my workload this semester. I mean, it is rather pathetic to switch on the comp and log in to the Net only to download and study lectures. Add to that an extremely tiring schedule and you lose any energy you’d think you’d have to sit in the evening to write. I need some sort of inspiration. Education and related matters don’t quite fit the bill. Neither do fat, potentially pregnant lizards which invade the tiny bathroom attached to my room late at night to leave me entering the bathroom singing and running out screaming.
Domestic matters remain unresolved and I don’t think they ever will be sorted out. The people involved are much too old to change and I am too fed up to be ever-so-forgiving. Even then, strangely, I am living out each day without the dark clouds that used to perpetually linger around me not so long ago.
Perhaps this is how life is supposed to be. Whatever it is, I hope it doesn’t make me too tired, or too fulfilled to write, as it seems to be doing.
End: 8:22 p.m.
Time: 8:03 p.m.
I’ve been rather accident prone of late. From accidental cuts, fever, scratches and a finger injury to various bruises which I don’t even remember acquiring, it has been quite an adventurous time for me. The funny thing is that I’ve been rather full, mainly in the sense that nothing seems to affect me much. I’ve actually stopped caring about so many things that I’m more at peace than I have been in a long time.
Yet, there is that quiet chill that makes me wonder if all of this is another stage of being ‘comfortably numb’. No, I haven’t been low. And there have been things which have made me genuinely happy. But it just isn’t like me to not react to annoyances such as taunts or disappointments. What is more surprising is that I am genuinely not giving a rat’s carcass about how I am being treated by most people. Or that I haven’t been able to keep in touch as much as I’d like with those who do understand and accept me. Or that there are very few people who I can truly be comfortable with without having to keep a certain distance. Whatever it is, I do hope that I don’t tire of it. Maybe I’m healthy now for a change, mentally, that is, and need to get used to a shade of normalcy.
The one thing which I am not particularly fond of at the moment is my workload this semester. I mean, it is rather pathetic to switch on the comp and log in to the Net only to download and study lectures. Add to that an extremely tiring schedule and you lose any energy you’d think you’d have to sit in the evening to write. I need some sort of inspiration. Education and related matters don’t quite fit the bill. Neither do fat, potentially pregnant lizards which invade the tiny bathroom attached to my room late at night to leave me entering the bathroom singing and running out screaming.
Domestic matters remain unresolved and I don’t think they ever will be sorted out. The people involved are much too old to change and I am too fed up to be ever-so-forgiving. Even then, strangely, I am living out each day without the dark clouds that used to perpetually linger around me not so long ago.
Perhaps this is how life is supposed to be. Whatever it is, I hope it doesn’t make me too tired, or too fulfilled to write, as it seems to be doing.
End: 8:22 p.m.
1 comment:
*hugs*
I've often found that translating my emotions into words makes me feel better. Which is to say, blogging can be therapeutic.
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