Poets over the ages have remarked upon how the weather has mirrored their mood... how the bleakest and grayest of days have invariably and irrevocably coincided with the darkest of moments.
It has been raining almost incessantly in the past few days. From the early grey moments of Monday to the torrential showers of today, it almost seems as though Nature is doing her best to convey what we already know (and fear) in our hearts.
I visited my grandmother yesterday. After a whirlwind (bad) romance with exams. She was tubed and sedated and well, thankfully, patients in the ICU are allowed only one visitor at a time for I don't know how long I just stood there and cried. It feels funny to think that my only fervent hope during the exams was that she not go before I get to say goodbye. And yesterday, seeing her in the state she was in brought back memories buried deep — of stories and swings, of flowers weaved into my hair and distant springs. Of afternoons gone by watching the world as it walked past an old verandah that is now no more, not knowing that two pairs of eyes, one brimming with youthfulness and another, with wisdom, were watching it in keen amusement. I remembered the books with beautiful messages inside, the letters that would come by post, those happy visits during the Pujas, all the times when I'd be told repeatedly to go "shushu" much to my annoyance...
She used to call me her "paakhi" which means 'bird'. To think that it has been over ten years that she hasn't lived the way she was meant to. And now... oh how I wish my gut felt differently!
Maybe, in a parallel universe she stayed well and got to grow old and grey with dignity. Maybe in that world she'd have been able to watch her little paakhi blossom. And maybe...
6 comments:
i can imagine how you feel, LD. My grandpa passed away in December and I felt the same way...'maybe in an alternate realm he lived the way he was mean to...for all those lost 15 years...'
But for all you know, maybe there *is* a parallel realm.
Love and hugs.
meant*
She'll see her Paakhi blossom and fly away, LD. Don't worry - whatever happens, she'll stay with you and you with her.
Very hollow words, I know - but sometimes even the hollowest of logs provide enough strength for seafaring rafts.
as one who is old enough to be called someone with "one foot in the grave" , i know how both you, and she feel. dear child, give her as much of your life and time you can in these moments. as a senior citizen, i know that a grandchild's love is my best medicine. be stoic, my dear.
A young person in my family is suffering a great deal too. Sometimes I wish I could do something about it.
Even though I know its futile.
Luci: All we can do is hope for the best, right? Sometimes, things do get better. I'll be keeping your loved one in my thoughts.
My grandma's condition has improved (touch wood). She came back home yesterday. :)
mitra: Thank you :)
Kaz: I know she will... the warmth of happy memories never does fade, does it? :) And thank you! *hugs*
Jadis: Thanks a lot, girl! I can't say much else, but thanks! :) :)
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