Within Peace

Date: 24.02.2009
Time: 8:03 p.m.

I’ve been rather accident prone of late. From accidental cuts, fever, scratches and a finger injury to various bruises which I don’t even remember acquiring, it has been quite an adventurous time for me. The funny thing is that I’ve been rather full, mainly in the sense that nothing seems to affect me much. I’ve actually stopped caring about so many things that I’m more at peace than I have been in a long time.

Yet, there is that quiet chill that makes me wonder if all of this is another stage of being ‘comfortably numb’. No, I haven’t been low. And there have been things which have made me genuinely happy. But it just isn’t like me to not react to annoyances such as taunts or disappointments. What is more surprising is that I am genuinely not giving a rat’s carcass about how I am being treated by most people. Or that I haven’t been able to keep in touch as much as I’d like with those who do understand and accept me. Or that there are very few people who I can truly be comfortable with without having to keep a certain distance. Whatever it is, I do hope that I don’t tire of it. Maybe I’m healthy now for a change, mentally, that is, and need to get used to a shade of normalcy.

The one thing which I am not particularly fond of at the moment is my workload this semester. I mean, it is rather pathetic to switch on the comp and log in to the Net only to download and study lectures. Add to that an extremely tiring schedule and you lose any energy you’d think you’d have to sit in the evening to write. I need some sort of inspiration. Education and related matters don’t quite fit the bill. Neither do fat, potentially pregnant lizards which invade the tiny bathroom attached to my room late at night to leave me entering the bathroom singing and running out screaming.

Domestic matters remain unresolved and I don’t think they ever will be sorted out. The people involved are much too old to change and I am too fed up to be ever-so-forgiving. Even then, strangely, I am living out each day without the dark clouds that used to perpetually linger around me not so long ago.

Perhaps this is how life is supposed to be. Whatever it is, I hope it doesn’t make me too tired, or too fulfilled to write, as it seems to be doing.

End: 8:22 p.m.

Loony Ladies of the Last Row

Date: 09.02.2009
Time: 1:45 p.m.

LD: (Looking extremely disgruntled in class while observing the Professor) Look, she’s acting as though she’s teaching little children in elementary school.

DM is sitting on LD’s left.

DM: (Keeping a straight face while looking at the Professor) Yes, she’s showing us pictures.

LD: Is that how you hold a book, Ma’am? (turning towards DM) Look! She’s tainting the sanctity of the book!

DM gives LD a characteristic look which says that LD is being randomly weird again.

LD: (continuing and ignoring DM’s “look”) She’s raping the purity of the book — She’s putting creases where no creases were before!

DM: …

LD: (quite agitated by now) She’s marking her territory in places where she has to right to!

DM: (very matter-of-factly) Um, that just reminds me of dogs marking their territory by peeing.


2:00 p.m.

Class: (imploringly at the Professor who refuses to stop teaching even if Time itself were to come to an end bringing about Ultimate Doom) Ma’am! It’s time… we have another class now.

Professor: (looking at us after coming out of her picture-book-induced reverie) Ummmnh? What? Bell rang? Hmmm?

Class: Yes Ma’am, we heard the bell. It rang just now.

Professor: Oh so your ears are tuned to the bell however silent it is.

LD: (turning to DM again) So is that a bad thing? (Looks disgustedly at the Professor) We are punctual people, unlike you.


2:05 p.m.

Miss Minnie Mouse, had hitherto been to LD’s right, “holding it in” and also under the false impression that the next class was to be in another room, (an assumption probably pee-induced).

MMM: (to LD) Listen. I need to go to the toilet. Take my bag with you.

LD: Um, I’d like to go with you. (Pausing) I mean, till the outside and then go in once you’re done and you come out.

PB: (another classmate, sitting next to MMM, laughing) That was very specific.

LD: Yes, just to clear the air.


Honestly, the fact that a conversation gets posted after ages shows just how scarce humour has been in these recession-hit times. And I suppose the fact that I found out that today is “Chocolate Day” according to card-companies who want to make money to beat the recession blues after I reached college and also that my classmates were in the final stages of their insatiable craving for the said chocolate also helped. And I didn’t get any chocolate today. *BIG SNEEEEF* Which obviously is totally irrelevant in this context.

Oh well, we’re all back to hilarity now and toilet humour, of course. Can’t leave that out!

Something to Think About

On some days a thought coming from an unexpected source can just strike you gently and leave you with a raised eyebrow and a smile. Today, while returning home from college, I was waiting inside an auto when I happened to become the silent observer of a rather interesting conversation between the auto-wallas.

One of them was trying to get some money out of the person driving the auto I was in, however, he replied saying that he had none to dish out as he had just paid his daughter's school fees. Another auto-walla soon joined the conversation and asked him if his daughter was in an English medium school. When the man replied in the negative, the latter told him that he should put his children in English medium schools if they are to make something of themselves. His spoke with great conviction when he said that it filled him with pride to hear his child speak in English when he himself could not.

Now I found the thought extremely heartening, not because I feel that fluency in English alone is enough for success... Frankly, I know plenty of people who speak incorrect English with much fluency and confidence and get away with murder (figuratively speaking, of course). And neither do I believe that those who study in institutions where English is not the teaching medium are any less capable than English-speakers. However, I'd rather like to think of it as a parent wanting to ensure that the next generation receives the benefit of a good education and all the advantages that it can provide even if the previous one hadn't. And it is a very encouraging sign that people who haven't had certain opportunities in life want their children, and this includes their daughters, to be educated so that they have a better life.

One of the gravest problems apart from poverty that plagues the country is ignorance. And this very ignorance leads to so much more poverty and exploitation. I would have to continue considerably if I were to talk about how these are inter-related. The saddest part is that so many are resistant to any changes that would look towards ameliorating this. Now if there are indeed people who are willing to take steps that would, in whatever small way, lead to the light, then it is to be taken as a beacon of hope. And yes, I'd like to hope that there are more people out there who are willing to take positive and progressive steps towards betterment and those who see their sons and daughters in the same light, something that is still lacking even amongst the educated.

Monotony

Date: 28.01.2009
Time: 11:55 p.m.

O monotonous wind, embrace me not with your sullen gusts
I would take the sweeping temerity of a gale
To the dull breeze idling over an ordinary day
Shake up my world and blow me across the seas
But kill me not by entrapment in ease,
Stir me into running when I've only walked for days
Kiss my brow with a dusty whirlwind of speed
That leaves me stunned in its sultry haze
Beat my body into submission by your might
Make me surrender my will in defeated delight,
I only ask that you be free, truer to your nature
And capture my heart as you would a flighty creature
Sing to me with voices carried from horizons of yore
Breathe yourself as I inhale the scent of rebellion
Arising from the need to quell the monotony of ages.

End: 00:15 a.m.

Lingering Lizard

Date: 26.01.2009
Time: 9:40 p.m.

The lizard crawling up my door
Was one I hadn’t seen before
Its dreadfully disgusting sight
Gave me quite the jolt last night
As I watched it move its sick small head
While I was on my way to bed
Almost about to fall asleep
Only to lose the urge for slumber deep.

That awful lizard was back today
Much to my distress and dismay
Creeping stealthily down a wall
Hoping that I wouldn’t notice its crawl
And the fact that it’s invaded my room
Disrupted peace and inflicted gloom,
I live in terror of finding it land
With one fine jump upon my hand
Shoulder, foot or worse, my face
To leap away with unholy grace
Even before it was put in place
By one good smack from a spectacle case.

It hides behind my wall clock now
Peering out now and then to bow
And nod its head most mockingly
To rudely appal most shockingly
I am almost tempted to camp outside
The thought, however, wounds my pride
And so I shall remain to fight
Until this insidious creature takes flight.

End: 10:10 p.m.

Slow Air

Date: 22.01.2009
Time: 4:10 p.m.

A chilly afternoon is the perfect time to step outdoors and ride through the neighbourhood. The cool air is mild enough to invigorate you into sailing through the narrow lanes of a child’s memory. People are mostly indoors while a stray cat can be seen prowling in a slightly unkempt lawn. It is just the time to slip on an extra shirt and allow the cold to stiffen your muscles, just enough for that extra bit of effort needed to move, without the accompanying discomfort.

It is peaceful. The trees appear to not have noticed the nip in the air and cling firmly to their leaves. Two young cats meow and chase after one another. The neighbourhood where I spent the first few years of my life remains unaffected by the winds that have blown across it over the years. It is that conventional stretch of reality that I am glad to have left behind. I would not have fit in there, though it is something that will remain true wherever I go. I dislike boundaries — the wanderer that I am. Monotony and idleness tire me more than any strenuous activity could.

The same can be said about my area of residence for the last thirteen years. It is as dusty as ever in its attempt to cling on the vestiges of a more pastoral past. The puppies that were born just a few days ago have been growing at an alarming rate. The dogs live in the dirt, though. It is funny how I still don’t know who my neighbours are, apart from those in my building. Although I must add that the trees adding a spot of untainted green to the scenery are dearer now than ever before…

A January sun is not one that boasts of a blazing intensity. Instead, it confers gentle warmth whenever it chooses to make its presence felt. It is quiet and passive in its attempt to make an impression and lives almost in conjunction with the evening air. This is the season in which I want to spend my nights up at the terrace, with a lit bonfire and some mellow music to make me feel in tune with the stars. And I’d like some good company as well, that with which the wall of pretence and forced goodwill becomes unnecessary.

All I need at the moment is a fitting sunset, followed by the dawning of novelty.

End: 4:30 p.m.

Backseat Driving

Date: 19.01.2009
Time: 7:50 p.m.

There should be a nation-wide rule which forbids people from driving from the backseat. More specifically, there should be a law that prevents fathers from constantly hollering at their offspring from the backseat of an automobile while it is being driven by the said offspring.

This morning’s “Pick up! Pick up! Change to third gear — now change to fourth! Speed, speed up! Turn now, turn — Start! BRAKE!” is moral support I could do without while driving. Inarguably, the case stands even more pronounced when I am allowed to drive to college only after having had a heated argument *cough* ahem, no, discussion with my father the previous evening, in which I was categorically told that I would not be allowed to drive at all if anything were to happen to the car.

Therefore, it was with a heart brimming with confidence and encouragement that I took to the wheels this morning and did my best to please daddy dearest with my navigational prowess. The ride was understandably smooth as I was under no pressure at all, especially since I was constantly being given much-needed heartening instructions from the backseat in spite of it being me who was driving. Honestly, our chauffeur turned out to be the more patient co-pilot as he would occasionally give me a nod saying that all was going well or give me a tip or two and let me handle the rest.

I suppose the old man was far more nervous than I since he had to think about both my hide and the car’s steel, er, body, whatever. Thankfully, my pride came to the rescue and I managed to make it to college, much earlier than usual and with myself and my co-passengers in one piece.

The funniest things happened after I made it to college though. Dad actually gave me a rare “Well done” before going off to work and later this evening, after he returned home and had satisfied himself by listing the places where I’d gone wrong today, he told mum that I’d driven well in front of me. What actually took the cake, however, was him calling me aside and telling me that there was a lot of backseat driving today and that I should not be so dependent on others for instructions since I shall be driving alone on most occasions. When I told mum about dad’s pep talk during the drive she grinned like the Cheshire cat and said that she was highly amused to hear two extremely different versions of the same story. Trust mothers to say things like that.

In any case, dad is willing to let me out with the car again so I’ll see what happens. Hopefully I’ll get to practice more and be trusted with the car. Here’s to that!

End: 8:13 p.m.

Nachtmusik :P

So I am lousy at water colours and this thing just proves that but I spent the afternoon painting this today so I figured that it might well be put up since I actually having nothing to do. Heh. I guess that is what I had to say, yes. :P

Cradle

Date: 15.01.2009
Time: 11:05 p.m.

Slowly still, yet embraced by winds
Rocking it towards the nether
Its child was made to leave the ease
And comfort of its feather,
See how it no longer fits the head
So filled with thoughts it can’t comprehend
In tune with toys and caramel
And the warmth that some voices lend…

When wisdom invades the innocent’s stare
Awakening it to more shades of a colour
Narrowed eyes replace the wide
Inflicting upon rosy cheeks a pallor,
The pout is pursed and parted not
Except to yield honeyed lisps
That mask the cynic lurking within
By deceptively dreamy wisps.

The sudden gale that struck the cradle
Had knocked the child to her feet
And forced her to walk before her time
In lessons painful and bittersweet,
The cradle thus remains forlorn
With no memory of its loss
Or the gurgling grace of a childhood
Now resting dead beneath a cross.

End: 11:40 p.m.

Another New Dawn

Date: 06.01.2009
Time: 7:50 p.m.

Today was the first hectic day of many hectic days my class has in store for itself this semester. Honestly, this is one term which is somewhat scaring people with the amount of coursework right from day one. Usually, extra classes are squeezed into our schedule as the weeks go by, thereby softening the blow. This time, however, when I saw the timetable for the first time last night I was tempted to hurl the coarsest of all abuses, the kind that auto-wallas would probably be using a lot these days, at the computer screen. “Saala ch*****” would be one of the tamer ones that crossed my mind.

It seems a major strain to wake up at the unearthly hour of a quarter past seven in the morning after consistently awakening at ten regardless of the time I had gone to sleep the previous night for a rather warmly comfortable stretch of days. Still, it wouldn’t be quite so bad if I didn’t have a string of classes that tax my ability to concentrate at a stretch to wake up to every day.

The year itself started a day late for me. The time immediately before and after the last midnight of 2008 was rather dismal. Although, things have improved considerably since, excluding the rotten timetable of course. In fact, my writing has suffered — I am usually compelled to write when I am either extremely bored or extremely depressed while I am neither right now. I shouldn’t be complaining though… there’s plenty to do.

I’ve been watching a lot of movies at home lately, with more queued up in my viewing list. There is the two-day out of station seminar that my class and seniors will be attending in a couple of days. Our professors appear to have resigned themselves to the fact that we’re out to enjoy ourselves more than pay attention to what will be said there. I have deliciously spicy, creamy and cheesy macaroni to eat for dinner and there are some (hopefully) interesting events to look forward to later this month and in the coming year.

I am hoping for this year to teach me a lot of lessons that I will enjoy learning for a change, those of patience and self-control especially. And I hope to grow up a little more from six to thirteen, at least. Although I am sure that I’ll be fluctuating between almost all ages from six to sixty at different points of time. It doesn’t matter too much though. I just hope I won’t be told that I look like a seventh grader by the odd ancient stranger I meet at boring social functions.

So to all readers I wish a late but very happy new year! LD out.

End: 8:10 p.m.

Ticket To Ride

Date: 31.12.2008
Time: 7:35 p.m.

Much like the rest of the year, the last day has been quite the rollercoaster ride, literally and figuratively. I spent the morning preparing strawberry cheesecake — the first attempt at making something completely by myself which doesn’t include baked eggs or sandwiches, as I’ve always avoided cooking like the plague. I wonder how it’ll turn out, but honestly I don’t really care that much. The day also involved me being coaxed by my mother to get back to eating meat, at the point of being bribed with vodka. :P I didn’t see any vodka flowing, so I did not acquiesce.

And then I also had the worst and most painful bout of a certain digestive disorder in my life, something that is certain to put me off my morning toast and other breads for quite sometime. And I’ll also remember that water is the only thing that sustains me. xP

The most significant thing about the day, I suppose, is that I was handed my driving license! (The test was last month: the day before end-semester exams started :P) The least significant thing about today is that my license picture is the worst photograph of myself that I have ever seen. Contrasts, anyone? Come to think of it, if I were to get a normal photo taken of me with boils covering every inch of my face, I’d still look better. The good thing is that if I am ever held up by a traffic policeman, the person might not recognise me from my license so I could hope to get off easily. Or maybe not. The thing is, you can’t expect government webcams to be professional photographers especially if the subject has just appeared for a test and been rudely refused a pen (to sign her name) at the end of the theory exam by the official supervising it. But that’s a long story and an old one.

Getting back to the day, today’s was the most harrowing as well as intriguing drive I’ve ever indulged in. Getting caught in a bad traffic snarl while moving up a bridge and being overtaken from all sides was an, erm interesting experience, to say the least. Although I might not say that I’d care to do the same on a daily basis. Narrow gullies where pedestrians love pretending to attempt suicide are much better in comparison, thank you. But I also drove using headlights for the first time! All my previous outings had been during daytime, stretching towards early evenings at best, so the experience was a good one. The most important thing I’ve picked up upon driving in the city streets would be abuses. They come spontaneously to mind. And I’m quite proud of my lexicon at present. All said and done, though, I quite enjoy driving. It is indeed relaxing.

I also managed to see Venus playing eye to the moon’s crescent smile on the way back home. It was pretty similar to the Venus-Jupiter-Moon isosceles triangle observed early this month. However, I missed the Jupiter-Mercury pair which was also allegedly observable right after sunset as it was quite dark when I peered out.

The funniest thing that has happened today so far, however, is that my dad has refused to have the cheesecake I’ve made because I ticked him off for swiping the strawberries to be used as garnishing. I guess it was quite obvious that cheesecakes are made to be not eaten. Oh well, there’ll be more for the rest of us.

As of now, I’ll go gorge on some more macaroni and then be off to catch some Pirates. All the best wishes for the coming year to everyone! Look sharp off the starboard people! Savvy?

End: 8:00 p.m.

Pictures taken with the New Cell!

I wonder if it is just me or has winter temporarily left the city... It is strange to find myself content with only a T-shirt (and pants, duh) so late in December. In any case, here are some of Justify Fullthe pictures that I have taken since getting my new phone! Most of these have been Radar-ed. :)

Canopy: This was taken near the lake where I had gone for driving practice.

The Greyness of Traffic: Taken while getting bored in a traffic jam on my way home.

Speed: Blur! Another picture to counter boredom while travelling.

Talk to the Hand: For those still curious about the phone, there will be a picture of my fingers posing with it. Tee hee.

Loneliness: Again, taken when out driving. I simply had to capture this. Although I would have been happier with better resolution. Oh well.

From the Pilot-seat: Another day of driving. I had stopped for some coffee when this was taken.

Paper cuttings for my room: I had got this sudden urge to do some paper cutting last evening, something that I don't think I've done since I was ten years old. So this was the fruit of my evening. :)

Smoke

Date: 23.12.2008
Time: 9:15 p.m.

Kill yourself with every breath you take
And ask me why I threw out your mistake,
Those poisonous boxes are expensive, you say
While I counter it with: “And your life isn’t, pray?”
What shocks me more is your firm belief
In spite of all the intelligence of grief
Available to everyone with eyes
But who can teach that to one who never tries
Anything beyond his own obstinate mind!
Listening only to be charitable and kind
With condescension befitting a king
And a chauvinistic attitude in full swing,
You still ‘know best’ that you will not be harmed
Though you cough enough to leave us all alarmed
With absurd excuses like bowel-movements
And work and stress and how it all augments
Into a forceful need to puff it all away
Taking every worry with it in wisps of grey…

I am glad we threw them out the window
Glad that now they won’t make you mellow
Enough to lose all the reason you posses
Give in, cave and disgracefully obsess
Over what will slowly kill you over time
And kiss our fates too with that same sorry grime
So be as ungrateful as you wish
Do your very best to blemish
The clean spot we have in our lives
And blame me with your characteristic emotional jibes
I will not yield for I am not wrong
You cannot break me, you’ve never been strong
Enough to get past in an argument with clear logic
You see your side alone, in a manner painfully tragic,
Don’t give me the eye and expect me in tears
I’m not that little girl who’s afraid of your sneers
Have not the dignity to acknowledge the above
And you’ll lose my respect as you have lost my love.

End: 9:55 p.m.

Lou Tag

Since Princess Stefania has been quite so charming about tagging me with this, I am compelled by my conscience not to procrastinate further. Here lies the tag on Love and Life, affectionately called the Lou Tag by me:


If your lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be?
A very calm execution of affairs. Pun intended. I am possessive, thank you. Although yes, wounds would heal over time, a long time, but yes, they would heal.

If you can make a dream come true, what would it be?
It would be one of many dreams fulfilled… I’d have to move on to the next with promptness.

What do you do when your love is unrequited ?
Write amusingly snarky things about myself and laugh at the irony. But never admit the fact. :P

What would you do if you had a billion dollars?
Er, use them?

Would you ever fall in love with your best friend?
I think I have the liberty to laugh here.

Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
I dislike having to choose between Chocolate and Cats. Both are required.

How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Love has never been a necessity for me neither do I take it for granted from any sphere. Love is a conscious choice made unconsciously. That should answer the question.

If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Attached to what, pray? :P

What captures your heart the quickest?
A quick wit, a mad spark and sincerity. *bats eyelashes demurely*

What would you be, ten years from now?
As quirky as ever!

What do you fear?
Lizards taking over the world. How horrible! *shudder shudder* But seriously? Losing my identity.

What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
A very talented Pixie Princess Poet. And that was an alliteration! :D

What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
“Chirp-laugh” after realizing that I’ve overslept again. :P

Would you give all in a relationship?
Depends on the relationship, wouldn’t it? I’d give nothing to my grandmother. :P

If you love two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
It’s enough loving one person, isn’t it? And I am lazy.

Would you forgive and forget, no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
Forgive, yes, with time. For my own peace of mind. Forget? Never. That’s mainly to avoid a similar incident later. A lesson learnt should be remembered.

If you get to go back in time and fall in love all over again, would it still be with the same person?
I can laugh again now, I think. And smile.


Regrettably, I haven’t tagged people in the last few tags that I have done, although that hasn’t stopped me from being tagged by others. :| Therefore, for the benefit of all tag-unfriendly bloggers out there, I tag Prince Kazarelth (who hates tags and loves tagging me), Ship (who wants to get married although the fact is irrelevant to my tagging her), Jadis, Nothingman, Lucifer (who needed something to blog about and this is just the thing to make him squirm muwhahahah), Saturnalia’s Offspring (who doesn’t like tags much either :P) and VB! That’s an even seven!

Tra La La

After months of living like a miser I had finally saved up enough this month and got my new phone today! It is one handsome babeh, oh yeah and I've been drooling over it and admiring it all evening!

The best thing is that the phone comes with a USB data cable (apart from its utterly hot, snappy and sexy features) which means that I can transfer the pictures that I take with it! *jumps up and down excitedly*

So yes, I have had an awesome day (apart from getting the phone, muwhahaha ;]) and feel happy enough to eat any rot that I have to for dinner. *grins like an idiot*

More importantly, I've also come to terms with the fact that it is now far too chilly to be prancing about in shorts at home, so I've taken to warmer attire. :P AND I WENT UP TO THE TERRACE YESTERDAY! FINALLY! *chicken dances with glee*

As is quite obvious, I'm rather high at the moment, so I'll stop my ramble right here before I end up offending my senses at a later period. Tee hee hee. Season's greetings everyone! Hope all of you enjoy the holidays!